• Mind
  • Body
  • Soul
  • More
    • Motherhood
    • Style
    • Adventure
    • Living
    • Writing

Erin Joy Henry

The Woolsey Fire and us

1/4/19

On November 9th we woke up to mandatory evacuation orders to leave our town of Malibu, California because fires were headed our way. I sent text messages back and forth to mom friends as we discussed our plans. None of us were prepared, including the city of Malibu itself. The entire town was ordered to leave on a two lane highway simultaneously and it quickly turned into mayhem. By the time we were ready to leave, we saw fire on the mountain above our house and the Pacific Coast Highway was a parking lot. We were not willing to be sitting ducks on the highway, so we headed to a safe area at Zuma Beach with many other residents on our side of town.

The fire was was unstoppable. We watched the homes of our friends burn one by one. Someone posted our neighbors home engulfed in flames on Twitter and we were sure ours was burning too. As the air in the beach parking lot we were in started to turn black with smoke, we had to make a decision. The lungs of our little ones were too delicate to handle what was coming. We got on the highway and crept out of town doing our best to stay calm so our children didn’t become more frightened then they already were. We saw flames in our rearview mirror for over an hour as I kept imagining at what point we would jump from our car and head into the ocean to save ourselves. I’ve never felt more scared for the safety of our children. Five hours later we showed up on the other side of town at Alex’s cousins home, dirty, frightened and with two kids in soaking wet diapers. This was the beginning of two and a half weeks in hotels and at the homes of friends and family. In all honesty, with an infant, two and five year old we almost lost our minds.

We finally got word that a neighbor with a garden hose, and a single fireman saved our home. I almost had a feeling of survivor’s guilt that our home wasn’t lost amongst the others. When Alex’s family called us from Nantucket where they live and told us the vacant house next door to them was offered to us, we didn’t hesitate. We were in desperate need of creating some normalcy in our life and our kids were going absolutely nuts without routine or direction. The amount of stress Alex and I were under certainly didn’t help our parenting abilities.

We consider ourselves very lucky, yet the amount of trauma we endured in 2018 is one for the books. I’m not sure when we will be able to go back home. The smoke damage inside of our house has been cleaned up yet there is a toxic dump of homes outside that need to be cleared before we can even think of putting our kids back in that house.

I’m longing for all of my “stuff.” I miss having our old routines and the community pool. I miss California weather. Ray has outgrown all of the clothes we came here with six weeks ago and I’m sad all my plants are probably dead back home. I  miss our sweet preschool and the friends who have scattered across the country because of the fire. More than anything I just want to feel safe and settled, with some roots somewhere deep in the earth. My nest has been turned upside down and my chicks have been thrown out, yet we are safe. In an odd way, this forced time together, surviving amongst grief, no school, displacement, illness, fear  and so much more has brought our family closer together than we have ever been before. Alex has shown his strength and carried us through this time when all I could bring myself to do was take care of Baby Ray. Our heads are starting to feel as though they are above water again, and I hope before long we can say that we are swimming.

 

0 Comments
Living

Share

update: a story about faith

11/27/18



Several weeks ago I was in a gift shop in Jackson Hole. The night before, I had been so swallowed by a wave of grief after losing my mom on August 9 that I felt hopeless and dark inside. At night, with Baby Rayen by my side I spoke to my mom like a prayer. I asked her to show me she was there, guiding me. I wanted a sign so obvious that I would know 100 percent it was her.

I had forgotten what I had asked until the next morning when I was browsing a rack of greeting cards. A card in my favorite shade of green had writing on it that was difficult to make out so I stepped closer.

The text was simple and clear:

Find what brings you joy and go there
– Jan Phillips

Jan Phillips was the name of my mother exactly. She always told me my middle name was Joy because I brought so much joy into her life when I was born. And she knew Alex and I had been traveling trying to find the place we would settle and raise our family. Find what brings you joy and go there. So simple. So something my mom would say.

This was it, my neon sign. I bought the card and walked out the door, holding my tears until I was on the street. I had been having doubts that she was really here, that heaven was real, that I will ever see her again, that she’s watching me. This was the clear sign I had asked her for.

This sign and the other’s I know she has sent me don’t make it easier to not have her here. They do give me faith that spirit’s go on even when the body does not. I would give anything to see my mom again, but this was something. I just needed something.

This also reminds me of a quote I heard years ago by W.R. Inge.

“Faith begins as an experiment and ends as an experience.”

Isn’t that the truth? Keep the faith friends.

0 Comments
Soul

Share

This advice made me a better mother

10/28/18

three kids

Almost three years ago, when I had just given birth to  my second son, one of the most accomplished and loving friends I had offered me some advice. She had two boys, and was one of the few people I knew that truly had that life balance we are all striving for. I was completely overwhelmed and never thought I would learn to manage two small boys and anything else at all. She said “Erin, my secret is that I have really messy closets.” I was really confused by this. For one, I am a neat freak and the thought of messy closets or clutter of any sort gives me anxiety. Secondly, Michelle was the last person I would assume would have messy closets. What did that even mean?

As we talked more, I discovered she meant that everybody has to let something go if they have a desire to make space for the things that matter. In our case, our children. For her, in order to get the family/ meaningful career balance she desired, spending time organizing her closet and shopping for clothes had to go. She accepted that she could close the door on the mess and not let it drive her crazy. She also hired a stylist that shopped for a simple capsule collection of clothing for her to wear so she didn’t have to think about putting outfits together for her various teaching and speaking engagements. Done. No more time spent shopping and organizing. More time for her boys, completely undistracted.

I  thought long and hard about what my messy closet was going to be. I was running myself ragged trying to work from home, cook, clean, nurse a new baby and care for a toddler AND husband. My messy closet is always changing but back then it was discontinuing a clean sweep of the house twice a day and letting go of a few friendships that just weren’t fulfilling anymore. I still cleaned up the house once a day, but in the time I would have spent doing it again, I would sit( no phone in hand) and read to my big boy while nursing my little. That little moment each day was the beginning of years of reading together and I’m so grateful for Michelle’s advice. I also got Alex to pitch in a bit more in that department! I still don’t have a literal messy closet but now that I have added yet another kid to the mix I have had to go through this process once again. What’s my messy closet now? The thing I’ve let go of lately so I can be a present mom is my wellness business. This was a big one and I thought long and hard about it. Will I go back to it someday? Maybe. For now, I  ‘m doing my best to truly be at home with my small children and mother them and myself.

A great book along the lines of this same subject is called Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist. No time to read? I    listened to it while driving on Audible.

What is your messy closet? I would love to hear how other mother’s have shifted their life around to accommodate a family and career.

0 Comments
Living, Motherhood

Share
◀ Older Posts

• Meet Erin Joy Henry •

• Meet Erin Joy Henry •

Home | About | Contact

• Connect •

Twitter
Instagram
Facebook
Pinterest
Rss

• Instagram •

Instagram requires authorization to view a user profile. Use autorized account in widget settings
Twitter
Instagram
Facebook
Pinterest

© Erin Henry, 2014. All Rights Reserved.
Site Design by Noirvé • Made to Thrive