Isn’t my mom beautiful? I couldn’t bear to crop this photo because I love it so much. As many of you know I lost my mother almost seven weeks ago to brain cancer. It feels so different to be in the world without my mother, like a raw nerve is just exposed and aching terribly. It’s been a very difficult experience, not made easier by my third child also arriving in the same week, but that’s a story for another day.

At my mom’s celebration of life I had the opportunity to speak and reflect on everything she taught me in my 37 years. I would like to share some of these lessons with you if you would like?  Here we go:

Experiences are more valuable than things

My mom had three children, each three years apart. Now that I am a mom of three, each two years apart I fully understand what a feat it is to get everyone moving the same direction. This never stopped my mom from taking us on adventures. Whether it was walking through the rain in a new park, driving to festivals in Canada or visiting the alpine slides at our state’s mountain, she was never afraid to enrich our lives with new experiences. She most certainly said no to a number of material things I asked her to buy, but when it came to making memories, nobody was better than my mom.  [Read more…]

Last year while listening to a podcast I heard something that floored me. Once we grow up and leave home( for most of us this is at 18) we have spent 93 percent of the total time we have with our parents. Ever. I heard this at a time when I was getting slightly annoyed having to travel to see my family regularly with two small children and a very uncomfortable pregnancy. Suddenly I woke up and realized that a few hours of stressful airport time was more than worth it to spend time with my parents. Hearing this made me confirm a trip for my boys and I to visit my mom over the winter at her home in Arizona, and I’m so glad I did. Four months later she would learn she had the brain cancer that took her life in August.

If anything can give us perspective on how short and fragile life is, it is losing someone close to us. I would give anything to take my family to visit my mom right now, and all of a sudden traveling with three small children doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.

If reading this helps just one person take a spontaneous trip to see a loved one, or call their mom to say “I love you,” I will be overjoyed. If this still doesn’t make you appreciate life a little bit more, read this.

 

Photo by Rawpixel

My mom lost her balance in a golf tournament in late June. Six weeks later Glioblastoma Multiforme took her life. I had no idea brain cancer, or any other kind of cancer could move so quickly. Losing my mom has been the most difficult time of my life.

I’ve learned quickly that nobody has the right words, except a few friends that have weathered a similar storm themselves. My mom was always here with me in the background and now she’s not. It’s like a cord has been cut and all of a sudden I’m here on earth without my oxygen tank, my support, my nurturer. As time goes by I know I will feel differently, maybe the pain will change or go away. Maybe I will be able to smile more and not feel this ache in my belly. Life will never be the same but I know at some point I will feel joy again.

Because I have no experience with grief I have turned to friends for advice. So far a few trusted friends have told me to visit refuge in grief. I plan to do their grief writing course and have already found some small comfort in their support community.

I hope one day to be able to offer more to those also facing a similar tragedy but for now this is my recommendation if you also find yourself losing someone you love.

Sending love and peace.