Elizabeth Gilbert says perfection is the haute couture version of fear. It’s fear that’s all wrapped up in a pretty little package, always wanting to do the right thing even if it betrays it’s person’s own beating heart. It’s denial we are in fear.
I”m a recovering perfectionist. Perfection propelled me through bad diets( aren’t they all bad?), unhealthy relationships, anxiety, and worst of all an inability to truly see my full, imperfect self and have a positive relationship with that woman.
In my mid 20’s something came knocking on my door trying to deliver a message that there was a different path for me than the life I was leading. I was a girl who lost her way when she left college to pursue fashion modeling and ended up with an eating disorder and a boyfriend who wasn’t so good to her. Of course, like any sane woman trying to look perfect on the outside I slammed the door on that voice and continued painting the illusion to myself and others that I was happy, fulfilled and on the path of my life’s purpose as I tagged along with my boyfriend to his nightclubs ( really? I would rather have been in the woods with no tent) and lived in his big house. The messenger continued to come around every so often to remind me a different life was out there waiting for me. Panic attacks crept in, depression engulfed me and the boyfriend and his big boat with my name on the back started to feel like the last human on earth I’d want to be seated with at the dinner table. But I was terrified of leaving. [Read more…]